Saturday, October 30, 2010

The many layers of love…

There’s a big difference between like and love. To steal a line from 10 Things I Hate About You, “I like my Skechers but I love my Prada backpack.” Ok, so that’s a materialistic example, but it means something. So often we get caught somewhere in the love/like conflict, but if it’s really love, you’ll no doubt feel the difference.

Over time I’ve realized there are many layers of love. There’s the love you have for your family – love that is strong as steel and means that no matter what, you would do anything for that other person. There’s the love you have for your friends – love that may require you to bend and sway over time, but no matter what happens, through thick and thin, you’ll stand by them. And then there’s the love you feel for that someone special in your life – the kind of love that grows stronger and stronger over time and makes you feel complete inside.

It’s quite possible you can feel all these types of love at the same time and it’s a wonderful thing. Even more wonderful is when those you love feel the same way about you. And if they don’t, that’s ok too. Don’t let the other person’s level of “love” stop you from loving each and every day. Tell people you love them with no expectation of hearing the words in return. There’s something to that old saying, “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” If you can let yourself go there, it’s truly and amazing feeling, and quite honestly, it can be contagious!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Third Wednesday Thanks!

You know you've met the right guy for you when you're ready to give thanks. And I don't mean the expected "amazing date...thx" or the "wow..thanks for being there for me." Those are given. I mean during chill time (for me, a buble bath), feeling an amazing amount of gratitude for relationships past--freeing you to appreciate the guy standing right in front of you, whose witty, online text happened to catch your eye. I've finally met THAT guy who does it for me. Super cool (love his old school pumas), honest and open, doesn't play games, shares similar interests (tennis and golf...really!), and what my married frined Stacey likes to call a similar "lifespace." That time in your life where you both instinctively know the type of relationship and partner that you want and don't want and the foundation you want to build with somene else. And suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge to reach out and THANK all those guys in my past that didn't work out, weren't the right fit, or that I didn't settle for--my ex, the player, the hottie, the nice guy, my LDR, the sexter--and similar women in his life. Because they totally helped us arrive at that point where we recognized quickly and with surprisingly clear decisiveness that we've now encountered THAT person that makes us smile without trying, who we can't imagine not being with, whose touch is a great combination of awesome and sexy, and, total bonus, is equally into us.

So, I caught some flack since my last two posts over me and my guy's "perfect dates." If you're in that camp, you may want to stop readinjg. You're about to gag again. Yesterday, I spent my third consecutive Wednesday with D, playing hooky from work. He drove out to pick me up. On a perfect fall morning, we head to The Ridge golf course, beautiful track, where I proceed to take him to the 17th green in our little match play wager. Lose, but really win because what an amazing time. Followed it up with drinks at the course, a fabulous dinner in town, more amazing conversation, all so easy, all so wow. And an invite to meet his parents and family. Isn't that what a perfect date with a perfect guy is supposed to be about? Thanks to the universe for allowing D to walk into my life and our execs to walk out. I can't wait for next Wednesday!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Katy Perry wrote my dating theme song!

And men say women are hard to understand! I’m gonna break it down – at the end of the day, women are simple! They want to be wanted (Cheap Trick said it), appreciated (thank you and I love you are needed every now and then) and for men to be honest (although not always easy, it is the best policy). What we don’t want is to be on a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions and stuck analyzing “where is this relatinoship going.”

Enter Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold” song, which I like to think was released to pretty much sum up the guys I’ve recently dated. Take into consideration the lyrics:

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

Guys, take it from me…this little “yo-yo” game you play is not fun for anyone (and shame on you if you’ve been on the receiving end before because you know it sucks)! So here’s where the honesty part comes in – if you like the girl, don’t play games. If you don’t, don’t play games. We’ve all seen “He’s Just Not that Into You” and we know how it goes. No one should have to ride the relationship rollercoaster or waste any time questioning your intentions. We know “you don’t really want to say no, YOU! but you, really don’t want to go-go.” Trust me though, eventually we catch on to your “case of a love bipolar” and we’re done.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Second Wednesday...

I can’t believe a week has gone by already…so, OK ladies. Who would want to come home and see your date waiting for you at your house? And who wants to go run around a tennis court burning calories and taking the stress off the day with a super cool guy? And who would want to walk around a moonlit lake holding hands and talking? Who would want to enjoy a meal and a movie snuggling on the couch? Who would want to do all that?? Me! And, I did…because it was Wednesday night!!! What’s up for next Wednesday?

It Happens on Wednesday…

Wednesday night. Hump day, mid-week, just another night ho-hum night to most people, right?!? Since my divorce three years ago, Wednesdays have been THAT evening that this single girl with three kids gets all to herself—no carting kids to soccer or dance practice, no listening to Dr. Suess AGAIN, no helping with pre-algebra (WHAT!), no responsibilities. Doesn’t matter what I’ve planned—GNOs (that always rock), online meet & greets (gulp), I always look forward to what Wednesdays bring. Which takes me to eight days ago…and this site’s initial blog. I was the one with the first date. And what a date it was. Who gets locked into a golf course after chipping and putting? I mean, locked in where you can’t drive your car out of the parking lot! And, who, after a Blue Moon or two on the putting green with a totally cute, totally funny, totally cool, single guy (apparently they exist!), decides, eh….let’s just leave our cars and walk to grab a bite. No freak-out panic, just grins and laughs, and a reach for my hand. And, who blows off the sushi restaurant down the block to walk several miles down a completely dark Green Valley Road to a bar called Purple Place, where we play darts (and tie), shoot pool, play shuffleboard and roll dice—all totally digging on this AMAZING guy. I distinctly remember the point at which reality set in. He called his friend, let him know we were stranded (my iPhone conveniently dead). Instead of bailing us out, we decided WTF. We got into this together, we’ll get out of it together. One short cab ride later to a nearby Folsom hotel, decide take the stairs and avoid the Intel pin-striped suit guys. “Happened” upon the indoor pool and hot tub. After a swift “turn around!” there we were—strangers in a hot tub, who had totally clicked and bonded over the past several hours after responding to an online question…”Golf and tennis…where have you been?” OK, so it didn’t hurt that he passed my personal litmus test. The kiss. Confident, with just the right flipping amount of passion. He had it. Fast forward to the morning, grabbed a cab back to our parked cars, and went our separate ways. Talked later. Agreed that our first date was, if you really counted all that we did, like 15 dates combined into one series of crazy events. Somehow, we had bypassed the sometimes slow, awkward do-I-really-like-you stage, and went straight to wow…you are someone I want to get to know better. As one of my best guy friends likes to remind me, dating is supposed to be FUN. Look for my weekly Wednesday night blogs, where I hope to revel in the FUN and adventure of getting to know my “best first date ever” guy plus more!

Things that make you go "hmmm."

We sing a lot in our office. Actually we turn everything into a song or a line from a song. And just this morning, my colleague sang “Things that make you go hmmm,” which inspired my first blog entry…

I find myself saying “hmmm” quite often in my encounters with the opposite sex, especially since recently re-entering the dating world. I’ll chalk it up to my age and having been married before, but some men never cease to amaze me and make me go “hmmm, he didn’t just say that did he?’ or “hmmm, I don’t think so buddy.”

I recently was invited by my cousin, also single, to happy hour drinks and to meet one of her longtime male friends that she thought might be a “prospect” for me. I checked him out on Facebook, of course, and was feeling optimistic from the photo despite not being able to access any other info on his profile. First words out of his mouth when my cousin introduced us were “I can’t believe you got that close to gorillas.” Huh? What? I’m sure the look on my face prompted him to say “Yeah, I checked you out on Facebook and really liked all your photos from Africa.” Hmmm. Note to self – change security settings on Facebook.

Happy hour continued… and seemed to extend beyond the usual hours of a happy hour. The 3 of us co-mingled with other barflies who seemed to have been there all day judging from their first-name basis with the bartenders, wait staff, and whoever else walked by. I noticed one “gentleman” (my polite referral to someone much older than me!) had a British accent. Having lived in London for a while, I overheard the accent and made a beeline to the gentleman to strike up a conversation. I merely wanted to find out where exactly he was from. I quickly realized that this gentleman had been sipping (or gulping in his case) Patron for several hours and clearly had left his inhibitions on the bar counter. We chatted about England, and he declared he was from “somewhere you haven’t heard of – Slough.” Uh yes, I HAVE heard of it actually; that was the location for the original “The Office” series in the UK! And so it went on… our occasionally funny, but mostly slurred, banter was providing some entertainment. It continued for about 15-20 minutes until my cousin and friend were ready to pack it in for the night. Stumbling forward and dangerously close to grabbing onto me for stability, the “gentleman” proceeded to boldly shout in front of the entire bar full of patrons “So… when am I gonna see you again?”. Hmmm, really? Did he just say that? And with his outside voice?! I stammered to get any words out and knew that nothing was going to come out right. But then, the gentleman would never remember any of this is in the morning…

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Caution: now entering the “buddy” zone

My entire life I’ve been blessed with great friends, and yes, a lot of male friends to boot. I don’t know what it is, but I’m practically instant buds with every guy I meet. Sometimes it’s a blessing and a curse! Why a curse you ask? Well, it goes a little something like this…

About a year ago, I met a guy...completely outside of my normal “type,” but something just clicked and we started dating. He was fun, affectionate, caring…everything was great, and we dated for a few months. And then one day, names like “babe” and “hon” were replaced with “buddy,” “homie” and “nerd.” Ok ladies, these are not terms of endearment, no matter how comfortable either of you are in your relationship. While he might be comfortable, you’ve now officially transitioned from girlfriend to girl pal, a.k.a, buddy. In other words, he’s most likely lost that lovin feelin (cue Maverick and Goose in their hot Navy whites in the middle of a bar).

Now, if you’re me, and you’ve had guy friends your entire life, it might take you a while to figure this out, and even longer to understand how you can transition from girlfriend to buddy overnight. It’s not easy.

Who knows, maybe you feel the same way – you like the guy but think you’re better friends – or maybe you are hurt, confused and can’t imagine being “just friends” after you’ve had this strong romantic connection with him. All I can say is, go with your gut and stick to your decision. Your heart often knows things before your head does, so make sure you listen to that voice inside you, and proceed with caution when entering the “buddy” zone!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Social Media - the new cupid?

According to recent studies, one out of eight couples married in the US met via social media.*

eHarmony,, PlentyofFish, Yahoo!Personals, and many, many more...they're all social media outlets designed to help bring single people together. Depending on your level of comfort in the online dating space, there's more than likely a site out there that's right for you. A few tips from someone who's been there, done that, and yes, even considered going back for more (hey, if nothing else, it's entertaining):

1. Spend time on your profile - let your personality show, make sure your pictures are current (we don't really care what you looked like three+ years ago), and please, please use spell check!

2. Be patient - online dating can be like a part-time job. Dedicate some time to it and know Rome wasn't built in a day, neither will a relationship.

3. Safety first - the online world can be scary, so be cautious. Always meet in public places for the first time and tell someone where you're going to be. Also, maybe shoot for drinks or coffee on a first date rather than committing to something more concrete like dinner or a movie. It gives you the opportunity to feel things out a little and see if there's enough there to schedule a second date.

4. Have fun - you never know, that person you meet could make you one of the eight US couples to get married someday! And if nothing else, you could meet some really great people along the way!

*YouTube video, "Is Social Media a fad or the biggest shift since the industrial revolution?"

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The beginning

"I have a date tonight!" The quote that started it all while sitting around a lunch table at work one day. It was a group of women, all different ages, all different walks of life, and yes, almost all single. We've all dated our fair share of losers, and yes even some winners, and have experiences to share.

While single life is the "greatest thing in the world" or the most pitied lifestyle depending on who you talk to, I can't help but revert back to the hopeless romantic inside of me, and hope there's a man out there for me. In the meantime, I'll have the pleasure of sharing the stories of navigating my way through the world of singlehood in the suburbs, and with a little help from some friends (and willing blog contributors), hopefully entertain you! We're bringing our conversations around the lunch table to a computer near you.