Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

There was a time when I loved to travel for work – eat out every meal, enjoy room service in a plush robe and pillow-top bed with cozy sheets and blankets, and even an occasional drink at the hotel bar with a complete stranger, that by the end of the conversation was like a new friend. Fast forward to present day, having done very little work travel in the last two years, and suddenly I’m gone over a third of the month of March on two different East Coast trips.

I’m finding my love for work travel is fading to more of a little crush. I still get butterflies in my stomach going somewhere new, but I miss all the comforts of home that much more. And let me tell you, being gone so much in the early stages of a relationship makes travel that much harder.

Things with Pele could not be better. Each and every date is an adventure, and I can’t believe just how happy I am with how things are going. Being gone so much this month has made me realize that even more. I think it’s true what they say, absence does make the heart grow fonder! I look forward to talking to him when I’m gone, sharing the experiences of the days and adventures in new cities, and even more, I enjoy coming home and catching up over dinner or a movie, reconnecting face-to-face, not to mention the feeling of complete content hearing, “I’m really glad you’re back.” I realize more and more just how lucky I am right now – even if it takes racking up hundreds of airlines miles along the way!

Gooooooaaaaaalllll!

During last year’s World Cup, I couldn’t help but fall in love with futbol, or as we like to call it in America, soccer! I attempted to play soccer as a kid, but I’ll be honest, I pretty much sucked. I did understand the game, just didn’t really play well, so I never lost any love for the sport I didn’t succeed at, just turned my attention to others until I was drawn back in. Sure, there’s some pretty good eye candy in the game of soccer too – ummmm, hello David Beckham – so that doesn’t hurt the cause.

So it’s not a surprise that when I met Pele (my friend of the last couple months), I was immediately drawn to the fact that he continues to play soccer in his spare time and manages to play at least two games every week on various rec teams. Ironically, he’s opened my eyes to another game too – hockey! Hockey is a lot like soccer, so it was easy to catch on…and I especially like the fighting. You know I love me a good throw down between two large, sweaty men every now and then (I am after all a UFC fan by choice). Even better, they yell “goal” when someone scores too. What’s not to love about that!?!

While I’ve been dribbling the ball up and down the field for years in this wonderful world of dating, I feel like I’ve finally scored my first goal in a very long time. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this happy in a relationship with someone who shares the same game plan as me and it feels great. No passing the ball up and down the field trying to psych-out the other. Just a straight shot, past the goalie (a.k.a. the guard I’ve put up for a long time) and straight through the goalposts. We’ll see how things go the next few plays, but for now, all I can think of is Goooooooaaaaaaallllll!!

No really, it’s not you, it’s me

I’m one of those people that read my horoscope daily, but I really only pay attention when I like what it says. Yesterday, however, was an exception:

"You like the idea of being close to someone, but you prefer to remain lighthearted today. Unfortunately, several planets in your 8th House of Deep Sharing create a conflict between your desire for intimacy and your fear of vulnerability. You will not be satisfied now by keeping things on a superficial level. Don't try to rationalize your actions; instead, give yourself permission to follow your heart rather than your head."

What? You mean I could be the one to blame for past relationships not working because I am afraid to let myself be vulnerable, even though I want the intimacy? And you’re saying I try to rationalize my actions? Well, that horoscope pretty much hit the nail on the head and really got me thinking….that cliché line about “it’s not you, it’s me” could really be true. Well, at least in some situations (Krewtons not included – he sabotaged that one on his own).

So what does that mean for me and Pele, my friend of the last several weeks? If I let myself be vulnerable, what will happen? What am I so afraid of anyway? Things have been great and no actions to signal otherwise. What’s that other cliché I hear all the time, “love like you’ve never been hurt?” Ok, so maybe it’s not love with Pele, but it’s definitely LIKE, so taking the chance might just be worth it. We’ll see!

For it’s one, two, three strikes your out

I hate to always try and find a metaphor for dating, but for some reason, they just come all too easily sometimes. So the Krewtons saga has been dragging out into extra innings, and frankly, as the umpire in my own life, I’m finally calling the game.


So last month Krewtons had thrown enough bad pitches to walk the entire lineup, so I pulled him from the game. Well, like most players that won’t give up, he kept throwing the ball my way, hoping I’d pick it up and throw it back to him. So finally, one day I did. Unfortunately, even after all that time in the bullpen, his arm still wasn’t game-ready.

I’ve been trying out other pitchers while Krewtons was in the bullpen, and it’s made me realize that there really are better players out there. So last night, I sent Krewtons back to the minors, and we’ll see how he fares down there. In the meantime, I may consider a new sport…like soccer! My new friend Pele (yes, I know it’s going way back in the game for a nickname, but let’s face it, no one can stand up against David Beckham anyway) is quickly winning my heart like a World Cup Cinderella story. So, we’ll see how it goes dribbling up and down the field with him!

Are you all in?

So D, my BF of 15 "Wednesday nights,"recently relayed a conversation he had with some HS buddies that I found both funny and insightful.

First the funny. "So, is she all in?" his friend asked during their GNO. Apparently, this is code for is she all there...not playing games...or playing it safe...and willing to risk "all in" for the relationship even if it means getting hurt. His friend, knowing that D puts himself out there, was interested in D not getting hurt. D replied that I was. Yep, for the first time since the big "D" three years ago and, if you've read my previous blogs, numerous dates...in THIS relationship with THIS guy, I haven't played it safe or by the books. And, it's been amazing.

Now, the insight. "All in" pretty much describes my mantra of late. My career, my parenting style, my homelife....I'm all in. I'm willing to put myself out there with the confidence of knowing that I hold a great hand, and whatever comes as a result, I've played smart and worked hard to be in this position.

I'm going to continue my "all in" status in 2011. Will keep you posted on the big hands, the bluffs, and what happens as a result. I love this game.

What exactly is a self-employed barista?

“I could have met you in a sandbox. I could have passed you on the sidewalk.” John Mayer was onto to something when he wrote, “Love Song for No One.” I think about this a lot – what if I’ve already met that someone I’m supposed to be with. Or, even better, what if that person I’m meant to be with is the random guy I pass on the freeway or stand behind in line at the grocery store. Then again, the whole “fate” concept has always been a little foreign to me, so until someone proves me wrong, I’m sticking to the good old fashioned online dating scene.

After a couple months of dating, Croutons spent a little too much time in the corporate salad dressing and got a little soggy. So, I find myself again, testing the waters of the world wide web in search of a suitor. Ladies and gentlemen, can I just say, I think I’d rather be single right now considering my options at the moment – a self employed barista, a weightlifter, or a musician that waits tables to pay the bills.

Like most people, I have my list of must-haves (integrity, sense of humor, ambition, family-oriented, reliable transportation, sports fan, just to name a few), like-to-haves (stable job, individuality, taller than 5’10”, likes wine, up on current events, etc.) and the deal breakers (infidelity, smoker, dependent, unmotivated, egotistical, poor hygiene, bad manners, etc.). Is a well-rounded gentleman too much to ask for?

Until I find that well-rounded gentleman, I’m going to embrace each new opportunity with an open mind. After all, a great friend once told me you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And we all know, there are more than enough frogs out there, and even better, tadpoles to have some fun with (more on that in my next post)!

Closure

With the new year just around the corner, it’s no doubt time to take stock of the blessings in your life, make resolutions, and of course, tie up any loose ends that may be holding you back a little (or a lot, depending on how loose those ends really are).

Whether it be a project you’ve been working on but never finished or a relationship that ended with some unanswered questions or things left unsaid, there’s something about the end of the year that forces us to take action and get things done. There’s probably a reason why December is Procrastination Awareness Month – we all want to push things to the last possible moment!

If you find yourself looking for answers you never got or the need to say things to that someone in your past, might I recommend the following:

1. Have a plan. Write your thoughts and questions down, talk them over with a friend (if you’re comfortable), and be prepared for the answers or response, whether you like what is said or not.

2. Decide if you are comfortable having the conversation in person or over the phone. E-mail and text should be a last resort, but if needed, be careful with the words you use because your tone and feeling may not translate the way it would if you spoke to the person.

3. Be sincere. Remember, this is for your benefit – the closure you’ve been seeking. Don’t mask your feelings or emotions and be yourself. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to laugh, laugh. If you want to throw something at the other person (like your fist to their face), well...maybe don't do that! :)

No matter what your situation, closure can bring you one step closer to a happy, healthy future. And remember, “If one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window.” Those inspiring words compliments of Rascal Flatts.

Here’s to closing the door on one year and opening the door to another. Cheers friends!